She Wants That Old Thing Back

As it is for most women my age (and damn near every age, for that matter), breaking up is hard to do. It's especially trying when the reason behind the break-up is less than dramatic--he didn't cheat, lie, or pull a 'Chris Brown' on your ass. Sometimes relationships just don't work and neither party harbors any ill will toward the other. This particular circumstance is the perfect breading ground for a quandary I'd like to call the 'Old Thing Back' scenario-or OTB for short. The OTB usually occurs without warning and there's usually nothing you can do once you've fallen in the trap. Something as small as a simple 'hi' in a text message can snowball into an impromptu late night session of horizontal mambo. It's not too hard to figure out why back-tracking is so easy to do--it's familiar, you already know what to do and you don't have to worry about all the B.S that comes with meeting someone new. From my personal experience, I've come to realize that there are particular instances where the desire to want that OTB is much more apparent. For those of you fresh off a new break-up, you may want to avoid these situations at all cost:

1. Being home alone, DRUNK: Now there are several ways this can happen. You could have met up with a few co-workers for happy hour and end up having one too many swirl margaritas or you simply decided to get yourself a good bottle of Riesling and call it a Blockbuster night. Either way, once that alcohol kicks in and you’re sitting on the couch alone, you can pretty much kiss your strong will goodbye. The next thing you know, you're dialing those all too familiar digits and he's over your place before you finish that third glass of wine.

2. Going to the movies, WITH YOUR GIRLS: Think back to those days when you were dating or had a man. Where's the first place you usually end up after dinner? That's right, the movies. So when you and your BFF are at the theater for the 9:30pm showing of 'Transformers' you best believe that you'll be surrounded by couples of all ages- so much so that you start feeling like the only idiot NOT on a date. While you're sitting there trying to enjoy the movie, all you can really think about getting that OTB. It's a guaranteed disaster waiting to happen.

3. Going to the club: Even though your intentions to go out with your girls may be to take your mind off of “him,” going to the club usually ends up doing more harm than good. This is because, for the majority of the night, you’re continuously shooting down one brother after the next --the fool with in the wide legged jeans rocking the single gold hoop earring; the clown sporting the bedazzled D&G shades and We R One bandana; the fool in the skin tight Underarmour tank and pleated slacks. After being barraged by these questionable characters for a good part of the night, your ex doesn’t seem all that bad and before you know it, you’re BBMing him for an adult sleepover at your house.

Please keep in mind that there are some instances when getting that OTB is completely warranted. There’s that space in time between ending one relationship and starting a new one where things sometimes just happen (hey, we all got needs!). Everyone slips up now and again and unless you’re really ready for it to be O-V-E-R, the chances of falling back into the groove of things is increased ten-fold. At the end of the day, you gotta do you. If the getting that OTB is what you want to do, do it. Just make sure to keep my tips in mind when you’re finally ready to move on.

Husband Material

A fellow blogger and HU Alum, Shaka Shaw (shakashawshow.wordpress.com), had a rather interesting post recently, outlining what he considers the most important traits in a woman, or ‘Wifey Points’ as he calls them. This got me to thinking about what attributes make a man ‘Husband Material.’ It’s only fair that we (women) have our own list, right?

So now I present to you, my list of qualities that makes a man worth settling down for…..

1. Humor Me- I know that this may not be on the top of every woman’s list but I love to laugh and consequently can’t stand a man that lacks the ability to crack a joke, make a sly remark, or just keep the hell up. I’ve been blessed (or cursed depending on how you look at it) with a smart mouth and the keen ability bring a smile (or at least a smirk) to the faces of others with one gratuitously humorous remark. If I’m at a party cracking jokes and having a good time and you’re in the corner somewhere looking like you’d rather be at the doctor getting a prostate exam, it won’t work.

2. Fix my sh*t- There’s nothing sexier than a man that knows how to use a power tool. I’m not saying that you need to be the black Bob Villa but there’s something to be said about a man who can fix a broken shower curtain rod or install a ceiling fan. I know that these 2009 “educated” brothas out here are more apt to call a handyman then risk ruining their fresh manicures, but a man who can break out a cordless drill gets 1,000 hubby points in my book (extra credit for a man who can change the oil in my car).

3. Put me on- When we’re on the phone discussing what we’re gonna do for our first date and you suggest going to Lucky Strike and catching a movie, the odds are not in your favor. Dinner and a movie is SO 2001. I want to be put on to some new sh*t. Jazz at your favorite underground spot, an art exhibit in Anacostia, rock climbing, ice skating, SOMETHING. Either dudes have stopped trying or just don’t know any better. Either way, I’m over it. Can I be put on for once?

4. Music to my ears- This one is simple. If your favorite artists are Soldier Boy, MIMS, and O.J. da Juiceman, I probably won’t want to date you let alone marry you. My musical taste is pretty broad and it’s important that my husband’s IPOD contains more than just Lil Wayne mix tapes and DJ Khalid’s greatest hits. Every heard of J* Davey my brotha? Step your game up….

5. It’s 2009, dress accordingly- I’m not saying that I’m the black Posh Spice, but I like to look good. With that being said, there’s nothing worse than a man who still dresses like it’s 1999. Is that an ED Hardy T-shirt? Wide Legged jeans? Diesel Sneakers? Come on now. I don’t expect you to be Thomas Pink-ed or Purple Labled from head to toe but at least look like you’re dressing for this decade. And while we’re on the subject of clothes…..

6. Mix it up- There’s nothing more pretentious than a man that only wears one brand of clothing or doesn’t own a fresh pair of kicks. Yes, we are grown, but does that mean you have to wear loafers and a sport jacket to the grocery store? I like a man who can go from rocking an Armani suit one day to a Polo hoodie and a pair of Blazers the next. On the flip side, a man whose idea of dressing up is an Express button up and a pair of Kenneth Cole’s won’t be getting any points from me either.

7. Chivalry is NOT dead- Contrary to popular belief, women still appreciate a man with manners. Open the car door for me, pull out my seat at the restaurant, and pour my glass of wine first. Yes, I can do these things myself but I fully believe in a man and a woman playing their respective ‘roles.’ Unfortunately, chivalry has become a lost art in 2009. A man who still possesses these characteristics gets an extra 5,000 hubby points in my book.

8. Cook for me- Ok, ok. I know a lot of men do not possess the same prowess in the kitchen as most women but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try. I thin k that in 2009, every man should have one go-to meal to ‘get the panties wet.’ Call your Mama for a recipe and practice! Even if it isn’t all that tasty, we’ll appreciate the effort.

9. Be secure with your sh*t! - Whether you’re a teacher with a second job at Macy’s or the CEO of your company, own it! There’s nothing worse than a man insecure with where he is in life. I know we can all stand to do better but as long as you’re working toward a goal, I can’t be mad. Just because you drive a Civic and I drive an Audi, it doesn’t mean I won’t give you a chance. But if you act like it’s a problem, it will be.

So ladies, did I miss anything? Leave me a comment and let me know!

It's not me, It's you

At 26 years old I've had my fair share of break ups, make ups, and everything in between. I've cheated, been cheated on and completely lost myself several times along the way. I'm now in this weird transitional period where I finally know what I want but can't seem to find anyone on the same page. I no longer wish to be bothered with someone who wants to casually date for a couple months then fade into the background when they feel like things might be getting a little 'too serious.' Nor am I interested in having a 'friend with benefits.' I have enough friends and the supposed 'benefit' isn't worth the headache. I also value myself enough to want and expect more than just sex from a man. So here I am, in my prime, ready to finally be an adult and do things the 'right way' and yet, meeting a man who even remotely knows what he's doing with his life is like finding a black person still living on U Street. That's not to say I haven't come across some good guys. It's just that most of them are either too intimidated by who they 'think' I am or are so busy proving themselves that I never get to see who they really are. Then there are the ones that don't feel like they have to put in any work and expect me to just hand 'it' over on a silver platter. I'm not saying that I'm the easiest person to get to know. I'm extremely picky, sarcastic probably to a fault and have an impossibly low threshold for bullsh*t. But, I'm a genuinely good person. I have a great sense of humor, I'm not needy or jealous, and I'm not in a rush to get married any time soon. All I want is to find someone who doesn't play games, keeps it 100 at all times, and enjoys my company (being tall, dark, and handsome surely doesn't hurt either!). I know there are some good men out there and I haven't completely lost hope just yet, but the dating scene is whack and I'm tired of kissing all these frogs. I'm ready for my Prince.