It's been a long time, I shouldn't have left you....

So, it's been about two months since my last post. Keeping up with a blog is a lot harder than I thought it would be. I haven't been feeling particularly inspired to write about anything, until yesterday on my way back from a meeting in the city. For some reason, as I made my way from the meeting, to Zara and H&M (for a quick midday shopping break),and back to work, I kept getting the "eye" from these old ass men. I don't know what it was about me yesterday. I definitely had gym hair and my outfit was just O.K. so why I was getting all this attention was beyond me. Not to mention the fact that not one man under the age of 40 even looked in my direction so it's not like I was walking around thinking I was cute. Anyway...as I dodged the googly eyes and smiles from men old enough to be my father, I started realizing that men over 40 have five very distinguishable characteristics that makes them easy to spot. So know, I present to you, 5 ways to tell if the man eyeing you down from across the room is over the age of 40 (long title, I know..):

1. He's wearing hoop earrings

2. His 'casual attire' consists of a button up (usually white) tucked into a pair of jeans and black or brown loafers

3. He's still rocking the '95 fade (see photo above)

4. He carries a man purse

5. His hair is super shiny, slicked back, or just looks 'juicy'

Soo...

I saw the nasty dude at the gym again last night. I have to start bringing my phone with me so that I can take a picture. This time, his shorts were purple (he must have been shopping because he usually only wears grey). They're still just as short and DEFINITELY still boxer briefs.

And another thing, how short do you have to be to be considered a midget? I was on the elevator just now and two short Asian ladies got on. Now I'm only 5'3" and these women were both at least 4 inches shorter than me. They didn't have the typical "little person" characteristics but they have to be classified as something as other than just "short." I'm short....but they're definitely pushing midget status!

Let me upgrade you....PLEASE!

So I'm on the train the other day and I see a man with the old school radio headphones on. They were bright yellow and HUGE. My first thought was "Why the hell does this man still own those?" and my second thought, "How the f*ck is he getting reception UNDERGROUND?. Maybe he's on some new shit I don't know about."
Then, on the same day, I see a woman with a WALKMAN. That's right, a WALKMAN..not a iPOD, Zune, or even DISCMAN, she was rocking the Walkman with cassettes! Now I know not everyone can afford an iPod or any other type of MP3 for that matter but how the hell does she even buy new tapes for it? What is she doing, listening to old Jodeci tapes circa 1992? I'm confused...

Why Black Girls Don't Do the Gym

As I wiped the sweat away from my forehead for the fifth time during step class tonight, it dawned on me why I don't go to the gym as often as I should...MY HAIR. Now if you're a black woman, I know you know exactly what I'm talking about. Unlike the white girls who can sweat it out in the gym, go home, wash their hair and be on their merry way, us black girls don't have it so easy. We actually have to "plan" when we will and will not go to the gym. Let me illustrate my point by having you take this short quiz:

On what days of the week will you find the most black women at the gym?

A. Mon, Tues, Wed
B. Wed, Thurs, Fri
C. Fri, Sat, Sun

If you picked B or C...sorry, try again. The correct answer is A. Now why A you ask?
Well, like most black women, I wash, blow dry and flat iron my hair on Thursday night (or sometimes Friday). This allows me to enjoy three days (Friday, Saturday and Sunday) of clean, bouncy, touchable hair.

By Monday, my hair is starting to get greasy and not really moving like it did during the weekend. This, by default, becomes the best day to go to the gym. Hair's already shot, might as well sweat a little in the gym. Now, Tuesday and Wednesday, we usually just throw those days in because supposedly, three days a week at the gym is considered "healthy." We kind of suffer through the week wearing our hair in some variation of a ponytail (half up/ half down, bangs pinned up, sides pulled back, etc.) and look forward to Thursday night when we can start the routine all over again. Thus, Monday-Wednesday are the most "hair friendly" gym days.

So this, you see, is the reason why black women don't do the gym. It's not that we don't want to. It's just that we are (as much as we don't want to admit it) defined by our hair. We don't feel as cute, as sexy, or as happy if our hair isn't exactly right. It's the black woman's dilemma and one we think about constantly. So give us a break, we aren't all lazy. It's just that we'd rather be fat with fly hair then skinny with naps. ;)

Amen!




Now this woman is trying to "hold on" to her weekend hair for just a little while longer (although it's probably just a weave, which makes the whole working out process a little easier!)