I'm in Love with a Stripper (song)

One of my biggest guilty pleasures is my affinity for stripper songs. I don't know if I was a stripper in a previous life or what but whenever I hear one of these songs I immediately have the urge to dance. And I'm not talking about a two step. I'm talking about full throttle, knees touching my elbows, gettin in like it's my freshman year at the Ritz, dancing. I can't understand why on earth I would get so hyped over songs that are so overtly sexually degrading to women but it's like singing along to a 'Too Short' song, you don't want to but you can't help yourself...

Here's the list of my top 5 Favorite Stripper Songs

1. "Da Baddest" -Big Kuntry King feat. Trey Songz: To be honest, I don't even know who 'Big Kuntry King' is but I came across the video for this song a couple months ago and ever since then it's been on heavy rotation on my iPod (and having sexy ass Trey Songz on the track doesn't hurt!)

2. "Tip Drill" -Nelly: How can you not love the song that got B.E.T's 'Uncensored' kicked off the air?

3. "Get Loose"- T.I: This like "Tip Drill's" twin brother. You can't have one without the other. I'm pretty sure T.I. even mentions the Tip Drill video in the first 10 seconds of the song.

4. "I'm in Love with a Stripper"- T-Pain: This song made it socially acceptable to wife a stripper. Hey.....ho's need lovin too! ;)

5. "Make it Rain"- Fat Joe feat. Lil Wayne: Now I've actually seen this song in action. You can't be mad at a song that makes grown men blow their entire paycheck at the advice of a damn song (at least the strippers aren't mad anyway, lol).

Who Got Game?

So I'm in Friday's last weekend with a girlfriend of mine sipping on my second Mango Berry Mojito at the bar when I get a tap on my shoulder. I turn around and standing before me is a young man no older than about 22. He introduces himself to me and we strike up a pretty harmless conversation. He asks me questions, tells me a little about himself and it isn't until halfway though the conversation that I realize that he's trying to pick me up. I guess I assumed that he was just being friendly up until that point (silly me). Anyway, we talk a little longer and then he leaves to go take the order of a couple who just sat down (oh yeah, he was a waiter). My friend and I continue our convo and every once and a while he'd walk by and kind of give me the eye. By the time I finished my meal, he returns to the bar with a rose and says these exact words to me " I got you a rose because it symbolizes the beauty that I see in you, inside and out." Ok....so I know it SOUNDS corny but for some reason, it didn't come across as corny at all. It wasn't like he was trying too hard and he seemed sincere about the whole thing. I was actually in shock for a brief moment. It wasn't really the fact that he gave me the flower, it was his GAME. I'm sitting there thinking...don't tell me this young boy's got better game a man my age ?! I mean seriously, what's that about?

All I have to say to the men in the 25 and up crowd is 'step ya' game up.' These young dudes are making you look bad!

Therapy is for black people too!

Ok, so I'm back. I know it's seemed like FOREVER since I last posted anything but due to lack of inspiration, a crazy work/gym/drinking schedule, and overall laziness, I've completely neglected my blog.

Now that that's out of the way. I figured that I'd get back into the groove of things by blogging about something near and dear to my heart. No, not shopping, eating out, or drinking margaritas (although these are pretty far up in the list of things I absolutely love). I'm talking about therapy. YES, I said it, THERAPY. Now I know what you're thinking... "Damn, Teree is crazier than I thought." And although that could be true, it's really not THAT serious. I pretty much go to an office every week and sit in front of a man who listens as I talk about whatever is going on in my head at that particular moment. I won't get into what we talk about but I'm telling you, therapy isn't all that bad. It's nice to be able to talk to someone who is completely impartial. Now I know a lot of black folk think that I don't need therapy but JESUS. For some reason there's a stigma associated with Psychology. Even though I heart Jesus as much as the next girl, there's nothing like a little one on one with my therapist to get me moving in the right direction. I've only been going for a few months now and I already find myself being more cognizant of the things I do and say. That's not to say that I don't and won't pray. I just feel like every little bit helps and right now, my shrink is helping out quite a bit!

It feels good to be back. There's more to come. Stay tuned!

It's been a long time, I shouldn't have left you....

So, it's been about two months since my last post. Keeping up with a blog is a lot harder than I thought it would be. I haven't been feeling particularly inspired to write about anything, until yesterday on my way back from a meeting in the city. For some reason, as I made my way from the meeting, to Zara and H&M (for a quick midday shopping break),and back to work, I kept getting the "eye" from these old ass men. I don't know what it was about me yesterday. I definitely had gym hair and my outfit was just O.K. so why I was getting all this attention was beyond me. Not to mention the fact that not one man under the age of 40 even looked in my direction so it's not like I was walking around thinking I was cute. Anyway...as I dodged the googly eyes and smiles from men old enough to be my father, I started realizing that men over 40 have five very distinguishable characteristics that makes them easy to spot. So know, I present to you, 5 ways to tell if the man eyeing you down from across the room is over the age of 40 (long title, I know..):

1. He's wearing hoop earrings

2. His 'casual attire' consists of a button up (usually white) tucked into a pair of jeans and black or brown loafers

3. He's still rocking the '95 fade (see photo above)

4. He carries a man purse

5. His hair is super shiny, slicked back, or just looks 'juicy'

Question of the Day

What do you think about overweight aerobics instructors? I went to the gym last night and took a class and to my surprise, my instructor was overweight. Now, I usually don't discriminate against overweight people (they've just got more to love!) but shouldn't fitness instructors be....I don't know...fit?!
I mean, she did a good job, I suppose, but something about this whole situation rubs me the wrong way.

Soo...

I saw the nasty dude at the gym again last night. I have to start bringing my phone with me so that I can take a picture. This time, his shorts were purple (he must have been shopping because he usually only wears grey). They're still just as short and DEFINITELY still boxer briefs.

And another thing, how short do you have to be to be considered a midget? I was on the elevator just now and two short Asian ladies got on. Now I'm only 5'3" and these women were both at least 4 inches shorter than me. They didn't have the typical "little person" characteristics but they have to be classified as something as other than just "short." I'm short....but they're definitely pushing midget status!

Let me upgrade you....PLEASE!

So I'm on the train the other day and I see a man with the old school radio headphones on. They were bright yellow and HUGE. My first thought was "Why the hell does this man still own those?" and my second thought, "How the f*ck is he getting reception UNDERGROUND?. Maybe he's on some new shit I don't know about."
Then, on the same day, I see a woman with a WALKMAN. That's right, a WALKMAN..not a iPOD, Zune, or even DISCMAN, she was rocking the Walkman with cassettes! Now I know not everyone can afford an iPod or any other type of MP3 for that matter but how the hell does she even buy new tapes for it? What is she doing, listening to old Jodeci tapes circa 1992? I'm confused...

Perverts, Farts and a Motherf-ing Asshole

Today was pretty interesting. It started out as usual. I went to work and went to couple meetings, did some Internet shopping and chatted it up with my co-workers. It all started going downhill, at about 5:45pm. This is when I stepped foot in the gym. I usually take a Yoga class at 6pm at my gym and since I got there a couple minutes early, I figured I'd work out a little bit beforehand. This is when I noticed the Dirty Old Man that I try to avoid at all costs. This old man, who is at least 65, comes to the gym every day in his UNDERWEAR. Yes, you heard me right. This pervert comes to the damn gym in BOXER BRIEFS! I don't know if he thinks they're workout shorts or what but I know a pair of boxer briefs when I see them. The seaming in the crotch and ass, the lack of support in the nether region...they're DEFINITELY boxers. So anyway, DOM (Dirty Old Man...keep up)proceeds to sit at the lat pull machine, spread his legs open, and start working out. Now mind you, I'm sitting directly across from him and trying not to stare. But it's like anything else gross...you don't want to watch but somehow you can't look away. For about 2 minutes I sat there completely appalled and wondered if anyone else in the gym was witness to this atrocity. I even thought about reporting his dirty ass to the gym Management. Needless to say...the DOM has got to go!

So 6pm rolls around and I'm in Yoga. Things are going fine for the first 30 minutes or so when all of a sudden while we're doing our "sun salutations," the lady next to me lets one go. I'm standing there trying to relax when I smell this horrendous odor emanating from the skinny white lady next to me. For the next 5 minutes, I struggled to concentrate on my poses while intermittently putting my nose underneath the collar of my shirt so at least the only funk I smelled was my own. Smelled like something literally crawled up in her and died. The good thing is that the smell didn't last that long although I'll never look at that woman the same again and I'll make sure to put my mat as far away from her as possible the next time.

After the gym, I usually go to the grocery store (because of course I only buy enough groceries to last me 2-3 days at a time..I'm' smart like that ;)). Anyway, I'm in line when I remember that I forgot my rice (can't forget about the white rice...I'm 1/4 Chinese, it's in my blood!). Since the woman in front of me was still putting her things on the conveyor belt, I knew I had more than enough time to run and get the rice. Since the line was long, I had to leave my cart in the aisle directly behind the lane I was in in order to leave enough room for the other shoppers to get by. So I run and get my rice and when I get back, I notice that instead of it being the black lady in front of me as it was before I left, it was a white lady and her black companion. I immediately realized that this was the same wench that was in line in the lane next to mine. This heifer went ahead and got IN FRONT of me while I ran to get my damn rice! Completely pissed off, I proceeded to call the heifer out and here is how the next five minutes or so went:

Me: (making eye contact with the black guy) "Excuse me, did you just get in front of me?

Black Guy: *no response* He stands there and gives me this blank look and smiles which leads me to believe that A) he doesn't speak English or B) he isn't the sharpest crayon in the box.

So, I direct my attention to the while lady who at this point is standing in front of the credit card swipe thing at the front of the line

Me: "EXCUSE ME, I think you got in front of me"

*no response* Heifer wouldn't even turn around.

Me: (even louder this time and even more pissed off) "EXCUSE ME! YOU CUT ME IN LINE!"

Nothing...the wench refused to look me in the face. I'm thinking she was scared at this point but I didn't give a damn. I was PISSED.

So, I tried again, this time moving up to the conveyor belt...

Me: "YOU CUT ME IN LINE. YOU COULD AT LEAST APOLOGIZE"

And again, no response. The black dude keeps looking at me like he's on another freaking planet and my blood is boiling. I'm counting to ten, praying to God and taking deep breaths all at the same time as I tried to stay calm.

Now, anyone who knows me knows that I'm not loud & ghetto. I pride myself on not being the stereotypical "loud black woman" but in this situation, all of that shit went out of the window. As I was placing my things on the conveyor belt, I knew what was about to happen even before it did. Although I didn't want to, I had to say it...I waited..tried to calm down...and then it slipped out... "BITCH!"
For some reason, right after I said it, it made me feel a lot better. Even though she still didn't look me in the face, I know that wench heard me and that's all I needed.

What a damn night....

WTF?!: the Monday Morning Edition

I almost didn't get this shot this morning but it was worth almost getting my ass cursed out. In case it's hard for you to tell, that's a french roll (yes, apparently they still make those) with finger waves on top. I don't know when this hair style was ever popular in the DMV so I'm gonna go out on a limb and say she's from somewhere in the South. Monday mornings....gotta love 'em!

When the Cat's Away

You don't realize how much time you spend with your significant other until they go out of town. Here is a list of the 5 things I will do this weekend while my boyfriend is in Charlotte for CIAA:

1. Drink....excessively: For some reason my boyfriend thinks I'm an alcoholic even though I ONLY drink on the weekends (ok, and maybe a couple glasses of wine during the week, lol). He doesn't understand why I, and I quote... "feel the need to get a drink every time I go out." To appease him, I've been cutting back on drinking (at least when he's around!). This weekend, I'm gonna drink. Drink until I can't drink no mo'! I won't get sloppy but I will be "right!."

2. Spend my OWN money: This isn't necessarily a good thing but something I'm gonna have to do nonetheless. Since the BF's away, I will be forced to pay for my own meals and buy my own drinks...BOO!

3. Stay up past midnight: My BF's not much of a partier so usually, we end up going the sleep before Saturday Night Live even ends. This weekend, I'm staying up til the sun comes up and the cows come home....

4. Drive: This is another one of those things I don't want to do but will have to anyway. I guess this means I'll have to actually put gas in my car!

5. Sleep in the bed....sideways: I don't know why but I'm the most comfortable in the bed when I'm sleeping in it horizontally. With no BF around, I can sleep how I want and also not have to worry about waking up shivering because he's wrapped all of the damn covers around himself AGAIN!

We've got to do better!

Thanks to my BF for "enlightening" me. Please watch and discuss. I'm disgusted...

WTF?!

Can you believe that all of these fashion mishaps happened in one night?! I felt like I was in the twilight zone!

"Yes, I have on a velvet button-up and NO, I'm not hot!"



"I refuse to spend $30 on a strapless bra when I can just wear this one and make it work!



"Hmmm...what should I wear to the club tonight? I know, I'll put on that grey cropped sweater I haven't worn since 1997. They're still in style, right?"

Why Black Girls Don't Do the Gym

As I wiped the sweat away from my forehead for the fifth time during step class tonight, it dawned on me why I don't go to the gym as often as I should...MY HAIR. Now if you're a black woman, I know you know exactly what I'm talking about. Unlike the white girls who can sweat it out in the gym, go home, wash their hair and be on their merry way, us black girls don't have it so easy. We actually have to "plan" when we will and will not go to the gym. Let me illustrate my point by having you take this short quiz:

On what days of the week will you find the most black women at the gym?

A. Mon, Tues, Wed
B. Wed, Thurs, Fri
C. Fri, Sat, Sun

If you picked B or C...sorry, try again. The correct answer is A. Now why A you ask?
Well, like most black women, I wash, blow dry and flat iron my hair on Thursday night (or sometimes Friday). This allows me to enjoy three days (Friday, Saturday and Sunday) of clean, bouncy, touchable hair.

By Monday, my hair is starting to get greasy and not really moving like it did during the weekend. This, by default, becomes the best day to go to the gym. Hair's already shot, might as well sweat a little in the gym. Now, Tuesday and Wednesday, we usually just throw those days in because supposedly, three days a week at the gym is considered "healthy." We kind of suffer through the week wearing our hair in some variation of a ponytail (half up/ half down, bangs pinned up, sides pulled back, etc.) and look forward to Thursday night when we can start the routine all over again. Thus, Monday-Wednesday are the most "hair friendly" gym days.

So this, you see, is the reason why black women don't do the gym. It's not that we don't want to. It's just that we are (as much as we don't want to admit it) defined by our hair. We don't feel as cute, as sexy, or as happy if our hair isn't exactly right. It's the black woman's dilemma and one we think about constantly. So give us a break, we aren't all lazy. It's just that we'd rather be fat with fly hair then skinny with naps. ;)

Amen!




Now this woman is trying to "hold on" to her weekend hair for just a little while longer (although it's probably just a weave, which makes the whole working out process a little easier!)

UUGGHHH!

I lost it this morning...literally. How do you lose your work ID AAAANNNDDD your smartrip (metro) card all at one time? Freaking mondays...I hate them....

I'll holler in a little while..I need to get myself together. It's been a rough morning!

WTF?!

Welcome to WTF. If it's whack, ugly, or just plain bad, I'm posting it.
My first victim is a young lady I saw in the club during Howard Homecoming 2007.
This outfit is just all kinds of bad.





WTF?!!!

Married with Children

So over the past year or so, I know of about a dozen people who have either gotten married/ engaged, had kids, or both. It's almost like I'm the only person that I know who isn't and I'm only 25! Ok, so I guess I'm approaching the age when people start actually really "growing up" but damn! Can I just enjoy my single-dom for just a little while longer? In my younger years, I really thought that I would be married with kids by 25. Of course, now I realize how dumb of an idea that was. I'm not knocking those who have tied the knot and popped out a couple off-spring by now but I'm cool with just having a boyfriend and still being able to go to my own house when he gets on my nerves. I would be lying if I said that I wasn't a little, insy, tinsy bit jealous of my friends who have gotten engaged in recent months. I mean, the whole planning a wedding, flashing the engagement ring, looking at bridal magazines thing looks fun and all but then I snap back to reality and think about what getting married really means:

1. spending all of your hard earned savings on one expensive ass party where the only reason half of your guests even come is to a) eat a free meal and drink tons of liquor b) see how fat the people you went to college with have gotten c) hate on you, your wedding dress,your husband, your wedding party, your decorations, etc.

2. giving up half of your sh*t (b/c all of your furniture and his furniture isn't going to make it into that newly purchased 'starter home.')

and most importantly...

3. getting fat: with marriage comes kids and with kids come stretch marks, random fat deposits, and sagging breasts. Not to mention the fact that you'll never again be able to fit into those size 26 "Sevens" that you bought your freshman year of college (unless of course you get lypo... which I'm all for should it be needed!)

So......no thanks...think I'll stick to being single for just a little while longer....

The EVITE Queen

I'm the queen of the evite. I will whip one of those suckers up for just about anything. Want to invite firends to the movies? make an evite! Dinner on Saturday night? make an evite! I don't know what it is about those little electronic invitations but I love them! My friends have even started soliciting my services whenever they need one made. They give me their sign-on information and I work my magic. Unfortunately, however, not everyone feels the same way about evites. I mean, everyone will LOOK at the evite. They may even set a reminder in their Blackberry. But for some reason, they don't ever respond. Not a big deal, you say. Well, say for instance you're panning a dinner party and you need to know how much food to make. Out of the 15 people you invited, only 6 have actually repsonded with a "yes," "no," or "maybe." Everyone else just views it and then moves on. I mean, they actually may have every intention of showing up but unless they respond, how the hell am I supposed to know? What makes it even worse is that evite lets you know who has viewed the invitation and who hasn't. This means that I can see who viewed it and basically gave me the middle finger by not responding. I see you jerks! Stop pissing me off and just respond! It's not that hard!



Woosah.....let me get a grip.....

I'm a Virgin!

Ok, not really. But this is my first post. I'm a virgin to this blogging thing. Not really sure what posessed me on this random day to start a blog but work has been kind of slow and I need SOMETHING to do to pass the time. Plus, I've been out of school for a while and my writing skills are diminishing by the minute so this may help me brush up . So, I guess at this point I'm supposed to let you know a little about me:

1. I'm 25
2. I work for "the man" (literally....Uncle Sam (i.e. the FEDs pay my bills)) Which means he's probably watching me right now as I type!
3. I'm originally from the DC Metro Area (Silver Spring to be exact)
4. I attended the one and only, Howard University
5. I'm a homeowner (yay me!)
6. And yes, I've got a man! ;)

Ok, that's all for now. I'm sure you'll learn more about me as time goes on.

I'm pretty much using this blog as a way for me to comment on the random things I come across on a daily basis. I actually wanted to name this "Random Little Things" but the name (and every freaking variation) was taken so I settled with PYT's Random Little Things. PYT happens to be my 'theme song.' If there was a way for me to get that song to play every time I started walking, I would (athough there will come a time when I'm 'not so young' and the song may not be as relevant...but I digress). Kind of like how Alley McBeal walked to Barry White back in the day (ya'll remember that show, right?)

So, thanks for reading my first entry. It was pretty painless right? Now just sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride. ;)